Jeff, I think your insights are valid and helpful, including that the process is different for everyone. My first marriage ended in divorce after counseling with some gifted folks in the ENC community and attempts to rebuild our marriage. In the end she simply ‘did not want to be married’ and I could not emotionally sustain the ‘come and go’ relationship. For me faith was the bedrock of my desire to save our marriage but while faith brought us to the counseling session, the work was with each other, not compliance with the rules. I am eternally thankful for a pastor, Russ Metcalfe, who stood with us together and as individuals. Once the marriage was over the challenge became one of understanding who I was as a person of faith involved in lay ministry. Along the way a friend gave me a book by Jay Adams, ‘Marriage, Divorce, and Re-marriage’, which brought significant understanding and healing. Even though my first marriage failed, I learned much and have been a much better husband to my wife, now married 43 years.
Thank you for reading and for your comment, Larry. You may have noted one of my future articles revolves around deciding whether or not a person even wants to be married. It’s an important question, one we need to reconsider as we address marital dissatisfaction.
I am glad to hear of the 43 years of marriage! Would you say you made any adjustments after considering the first experience? Or was it simply two people who found themselves in a different place than when you were first married?
Jeff, I think your insights are valid and helpful, including that the process is different for everyone. My first marriage ended in divorce after counseling with some gifted folks in the ENC community and attempts to rebuild our marriage. In the end she simply ‘did not want to be married’ and I could not emotionally sustain the ‘come and go’ relationship. For me faith was the bedrock of my desire to save our marriage but while faith brought us to the counseling session, the work was with each other, not compliance with the rules. I am eternally thankful for a pastor, Russ Metcalfe, who stood with us together and as individuals. Once the marriage was over the challenge became one of understanding who I was as a person of faith involved in lay ministry. Along the way a friend gave me a book by Jay Adams, ‘Marriage, Divorce, and Re-marriage’, which brought significant understanding and healing. Even though my first marriage failed, I learned much and have been a much better husband to my wife, now married 43 years.
Thank you for reading and for your comment, Larry. You may have noted one of my future articles revolves around deciding whether or not a person even wants to be married. It’s an important question, one we need to reconsider as we address marital dissatisfaction.
I am glad to hear of the 43 years of marriage! Would you say you made any adjustments after considering the first experience? Or was it simply two people who found themselves in a different place than when you were first married?