Finding Love in the Chaos That is the Southwest Airlines Boarding Procedure

How I Met My Flight Buddies.

I am beyond excited this week because I didn’t write this post. My wife did. I about lost my marbles when she asked if she could.

In a good way. You can lose your marbles in a good way too.

Enough from me.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is my wife, Joy!

Cold sweats.

That’s what I experience when I participate in the mayhem that is the Southwest Airlines boarding process. There are some things I like about the airline – the easy-going attitude of the staff, the jokes of the flight attendants – but the open seating policy is for the birds. Give me the pre-determined, ticketed seat assignments any day.

My flight from Baltimore to Colorado Springs for a client meeting was delayed and I was already feeling a bit of anxiety due to a tight schedule. What’s more, I was travelling with a pregnant colleague and was concerned with securing a comfortable seat for her. I had the better boarding number, or as I like to refer to it – the Southwest “pole position” - as we waited to board the flight and select our seats. Knowing I’d board first, I was committed to trying to get an emergency exit row where my colleague could don her compression socks in peace.

As I entered the plane, I was discouraged to find the exit rows already full. But I snagged a row of three seats with only two seats in front of it allowing for ample leg room at the window seat for my friend. I hunkered down and committed to not making eye contact with other passengers that might indicate I was friendly, and a person that would be amenable to sitting next to a stranger.

Unfortunately, before my colleague could board, a rather sizeable gentleman took the aisle seat. I leaned over and told him my friend was coming and I would be moving to the middle in hopes that he would scoot across the aisle to the other open seat.

He did not.

The longer I waited, the more I worried about squeezing into the middle for a 4 hour flight. It wouldn’t be comfortable for me or my seatmate. So, as soon I saw her approach, I said – “here I saved this seat for you, I’m going to move behind you.” The row behind us had open window and middle seats. The gentleman in the aisle seat gave me a curious look. I explained what I was doing and made my move.

My new neighbor in the aisle seat was named Peter. To pass the time, he started looking at the shoes of the folks boarding and commenting on the impressive sneakers he saw. My son is a sneakerhead, and we chatted and introduced ourselves to each other. As the flight attendant made the announcement that boarding was complete, we celebrated our good fortune at having an empty seat between us. Little did we know…

A soft-spoken gentleman approached and asked if he could claim the seat between us.

Admittedly, I was less than thrilled. Nonetheless, I had work to do so I pulled out my laptop and started getting logged in as we prepared for takeoff.

Peter had other plans. He not only wanted to know the name of my pregnant coworker, but also an introduction. It wasn’t long before we learned the man in between us, Kevin, was a mathematician and had a steadfast commitment to solid applications of sunscreen. I must admit I cannot recall how that specific information came to be shared within the first 30 seconds of him taking his seat. I mean, who leads with, “I’m Kevin. I’m a mathematician. I believe in sunscreen?” It was, however, the catalyst for a three-way conversation which would last the entirety of our 4-hour flight.

Now, you should know I claim to be an introvert. I’m just not sure if it’s entirely true. I just hate meaningless, superficial chit chat. The truth is, I love to get to know people on a meaningful level, and I appreciate when people make an effort to get know me. Deep connections with others bring joy to my heart. Networking seems transactional. I’d prefer silence and candy crush.

I know. It’s a “me” problem.

Fortunately, Peter and Kevin were game for more meaningful conversation.

I learned Peter is an anti-masker, a cannabis farmer, a golf instructor, and head over heels in love with the woman he is dating. As he spoke about her, I wondered if even he knew how much he cherished her and the way she cared for him.

He spoke of the playful banter that he and his girlfriend, Susan, used with each other. “You are terrible! He’d say. To which she’d respond, “you are tolerable.” Susan is a lawyer who helped found a university in Florida. Her father was a painter who had quite a following in the East Coast. He spoke of them with tenderness, a clear indication of how much he cherished them and the memories they made together.

I learned he started out growing marijuana before it was legal, completing all the work to set up a legitimate business focused on growing hybrid mixes intended to help children struggling with epilepsy. He had a lunchbox full of snacks lovingly packed for him by Susan which he shared with everyone around him. Kevin and I agreed, the coconut crusted cashews were pretty tasty. 

Kevin, a Math professor, was a fair skinned Irishman, thus the lengthy discussion about sunscreen. He said that his partner insisted he use “no less than 50 spf at all times.”

Noticing Kevin’s tattoos, I asked him about them. He had one beautiful tattoo for each of his parents. I showed my “small but mighty” wrist tattoo – a fancy “JS” to match every member of my family. We laughed upon the realization that the person most likely to have a tattoo, Peter, didn’t. He had chosen cash over the tattoo when his mom bribed him as a teen. 

Then Kevin mentioned coming out when he was younger, which was surprising when he mentioned being divorced from his wife. The timeline logic didn’t make sense. Peter and I questioned him. “Oh… so, you came out after the divorce?”

His correction of our assumption only added to our confusion. “I came out as a lesbian after high school.”

Peter and I looked at each other, befuddled. Upon seeing our response, Kevin laughed. “I am a transgender male. I came out first as a lesbian and then after I was married I came out as a male.” My wife said she was interested in women, and we decided to go our separate ways. Kevin is now in a committed relationship with his girlfriend Kate.

As we asked our questions, Kevin was a beacon of warmth and patience as we tried to understand his journey. He laughed as he told us he couldn’t grow a beard. He would talk about his “women’s intuition,” a concept Peter found confusing. When clarity arrived, Peter smiled in his his huge warm smile and chuckle at himself. At one point Kevin said - I only have X chromosomes Peter...

There was ignorance, there was confusion, there were major differences in values and opinions, but throughout the conversation between three people who had previously been strangers, there was love. I don’t really know how to explain it beyond that. From the moment we came together, nothing that had happened before that point mattered. Nothing that would have made us unlikely friends or conversationalists mattered. All that mattered was that we were present together in the now and delighting in each other's company.

We laughed as Peter cheered for my coworker when she got up to use the restroom, we got emotional when talking about illness and loss of parents, and we got a little nervous when we hit a significant amount of strong of turbulence.

Well… really, only Peter got nervous. Kevin and I just talked him through it. 

As I reflect, the interaction between the three of us on our flight was what I wish the broader human experience was for me. It was all about love and acceptance. We talked a bit about our faith, but mostly how grateful we were to have a loving Father in heaven. We all agreed on that even when we didn’t always experience that love by some of those identifying as his children. 

And as we landed, I did something I have never done before and maybe will never do again. I asked those two guys for their phone numbers. I asked to stay in touch and live life with them. To my surprise, they both gave this crazy stranger their numbers. Our group chat started on June 26^th and I named it “flight buddies”. We have texted almost every day since. It’s not a lot, mostly just celebrating each other’s wins. We build each other up, showing gratitude for unlikely friendships that remind us that the world is good.

I even got a note from Kevin that melted my heart – “Kate is giving the sermon at her church this morning. I’m going to support her – our convo in the plane reminded me that I don’t have to live in the Old Testament belief that I grew up in.” 

So almost a month later I cannot predict if this group chat will eventually fizzle out or if we will in the future have the “reunion” flight we joke about, but I do know this – I will always cherish the lesson I learned on our first flight. It was a reminder that when you strip down all of our sexuality, religious ideals, political views, and differences of opinion and just accept people where they are, you may find a beautiful blessing of friendship and a reminder of hope for a brighter future.

When our flight came to an end, Peter got back to what he was best at. As we lined up to exit the plane, a young boy dressed in blue camouflage was standing in front of him. Peter looked into the boy’s eyes and asked – “whatcha been hunting?” The boy was entirely confused, and likely a bit frightened. Kevin and I smirked at each other, both wondering what he was up to. Right on cue he said to the kid, “yeah, I’m just confused at what you are hunting in blue camouflage.” All of us, including the boy, laughed together. It was a silly moment, but one I’ll not soon forget.

It is a gift to laugh.

It is a gift to love.

It is a gift to accept the people around us with unconditional love.

We all should be so lucky.