Pulling the Thread on Parental Design

One Girl's Journey from Fashion Design to Biomedical Engineering

Jordan, showing off the clothes she designed and made.

My daughter, Jordan, was 6 when we first took her to sewing lessons. I’m not sure why we started. I think my wife, Joy, just thought it would be a fun thing for her to do. As I recall, she did it with a friend.

It wasn’t long before we discovered she was somewhat good at it. She enjoyed sewing, and we enjoyed watching her as she experienced the success of making clothes for herself and others. She made herself a poncho with a matching headpiece. Then she made some pajama bottoms for her brother. Over the next few years, she’d continue to make things. She’d doctor up clothes she already had, giving them some of her own, personalized flare. She was good at it. We knew this.

There’s an old biblical proverb I’ve written about before. It’s Proverbs 22:6 and goes something along the lines of, “Raise a child in the way they should go, and when he is old, he’ll not turn from it.” When I was growing up, I thought this was about morality. As in, teach a kid how to behave and what to believe, and when they’re older they’ll stick to those values.

It was a preacher, Rick Warren to be exact, who corrected that way of thinking for me. He said that verse probably didn’t have anything to do with religious or moral values. It was about learning what a child was good at, training them in whatever that may be, and then when they’re older they’ll stick with it. “You know, the proverb suggests this is generally true.” He offered. So, when we discovered Jordan was good at sewing, we supported her and looked for opportunities to expose her to more training.

Jordan's creations over the years. She designed and made 4/5 of the tops pictured, and the black skirt she was wearing.

As she entered her high school years for the fall of 2021, we were touring The Jemicy School, a private school specializing in teaching neurodiverse students experiencing language-based learning challenges. We’d recently discovered Jordan was challenged by dyslexia and were seeking the kind of specialized education and instruction public schools are unable to deliver. The psychologist who had tested Jordan’s cognitive function had recommended Jemicy.

As we toured, we learned of the additional instruction in the creative arts that Jemicy students have available to them. We were excited to see the focused education in fashion design available to her alongside the general education you’d expect in high school.

Jordan blossomed at Jemicy. She found within herself a desire to succeed in her studies and her mom and I couldn’t be more proud.

We do the things parents do. We try to set them up for success. We dream about them figuring out how to find fulfillment in life. For us, this has been envisioning Jordan somewhere in the world of fashion, or at least something related to sewing. I’ve considered whether Jordan might be happy creating costumes for movies or on Broadway. Acting is another area she’s found fulfillment and proven to possess a modicum of ability. It seemed these two might be a suitable way for her to go. We worked to train her in this way, hoping she might stick with it when she is older. You know, if the proverb is generally correct.

We’re such good parents, I’m sure.

Then we had a parents’ and teachers’ conference where things took a bit of a turn. Jemicy conducts conferences in a way that is somewhat different than what they were for me growing up. There’s one meeting time, and all of the teachers a parent requests to see attend. For us, this was all of them. As Jemicy is big on developing students who advocate for themselves, the student also attends the parent/teacher conference.

One by one, Jordan’s teachers talked about her. One by one they repeated each other. Great work ethic, a willingness to challenge herself…all the things parents want to hear.

Even the classes Jordan didn’t particularly like provided opportunity for glowing reports. This included the unfortunate U.S. History teacher. You could tell he knew exactly where he stood on her list of favorite classes. “You might not like history, but you’re doing great! Might as well enjoy it, no?” We talked briefly about her anxiety for this particular class. It was one she just wanted to get through, not likely to develop a fondness for it.

Then Calculus, another anxiety-inducer. There was some frustration here too, as mathematics had always been a favorite for her. “Jordan, you’re doing well…” More discussion about anxiety before tests and how she might ask for more help when she needs it. Of all the discussions that day, this was the one that she was most nervous about. It’s the one she has to work hardest at.

Pre-calculus and trigonometry. Duh. Of course it’s hard. Spellcheck had to fix “triganometry” for me because I, a writer, couldn’t even spell it.

Right on time, we moved to her strongest class, Advanced Placement Fashion and Design. Her teacher fawned. “What can I say? There’s a reason she skipped the introductory year… She’s just tremendous… All the students come to her for help, and she is there to give it... She’s inspiring…” On and on she went.

Earlier in the year, in one of the most glowing progress reports you’ll ever get about a student, Jordan’s Fashion and Design teacher waxed poetic. It began with, “Jordan is the reason I look forward to coming to work each day.” It ended with, “Jordan is the epitome of an intrinsically motivated student.” Reading it made her mother and me cry.

My mother used to cry reading my progress reports too but for a different reason altogether.

With the walls still glistening from the glowing report, we ended the Fashion and Design portion of the meeting and back to other subjects. Her Creative Writing teacher who was spearheading the meeting looked at her. It was time to get to brass tacks. She’s a junior now, and it’s time to start looking forward.

“Jordan, what are you thinking about studying in college?” He asked.

Jordan wasn’t prepared for the question, which is probably why they ask juniors with a year left to prepare. “I’m not entirely sure.” she began. “I’m thinking about something in fashion design, or maybe communication arts. I’m also thinking about creative writing.”

I turned my head more towards her in a somewhat obvious manner, surprised to hear writing as something she was interested in studying in college.

“I’m glad to hear that. You’re a good writer.” Her teacher said. “I also noticed your dad’s reaction. It was probably because there’s not usually much money in creative writing.”

“No!” I said. “Well, yes. That’s true. But that’s not why I reacted that way. I just didn’t know she was interested in writing for a living. I hadn’t considered it.” I thought some more. “…Yeah, I suppose the financial reality was a concern!” We all chuckled a bit. “But really, I’m very happy to hear it. She’s a great writer.”

We talked some more about her interests and how it all might play out moving forward. Then it was time for another subject of strength, physics. It’s a subject I knew she was taking and excelling at, but I hadn’t given it much thought. Fortunately, someone else had.

Her physics teacher took a deep breath before beginning. He paused, clearly trying to choose his words carefully.

“Jordan…” More silence. He looked down at his notes, moving the papers around in a haphazard manner as if looking for them to tell him what to say. “Listen, I’m not sure why I’m here today. You’re doing fine. I think it’s great that you love fashion design so much. It’s obvious you’re quite skilled at it.” He looked up at Jordan and shrugged. “Our world also needs strong communicators and writers.” Pausing, he looked at the papers in front of him again. Finally, looking again at my daughter he said what he wanted to say. “I don’t know if you’ve ever considered engineering. You’ve got the best grade in the class and it’s not even close. It’s something you should consider. If you want to talk about it, I’m here.”

With that, he shoved the papers in his manila folder, stood up, and walked out of the room.

The mic had been dropped.

Her Creative Writing teacher raised his eyebrows beneath his neatly combed salt and pepper hair. Looking at Jordan, it almost seemed as if he and the physics teacher were in cahoots. “You should think about it, Jordan. Engineering is a strong fallback if your writing doesn’t find footing.”

We laughed. “I suppose it is!” Joy said.

---

On the way home from the conference I considered the implications of what just happened. “I’m a little ashamed of myself.” I shook my head as I started the conversation.

“What do you mean?” Joy asked.

“We should have been the people to suggest engineering! But noooooo… it was always ‘fashion design this,’ or, ‘acting that…’”

“I know!” Joy offered in agreement.

“I mean…” I tried to think of a way to express how I was feeling. “I should have thought that there where so many things she could do. Why didn’t I see this? I should have seen this. She’s earned nothing but As.”

I shook my head, forgave myself for one more parenting foible and moved on. I supposed I’d know better how to parent next time.

After that meeting, Jordan shifted in focus somewhat. We were pleased to discover that when presented with the option, she was, in fact, interested in engineering.

Biomedical engineering, to be specific.

Over the course of her studies in fashion design the students had an opportunity to use their seamstress abilities to make life easier for some who experience difficulty on a day-to-day basis. They engaged in a project to make clothes for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities, complete with a fashion show. The video below is about that project.¹

It would be an overstatement to say the project parted the clouds and Jordan knows exactly what she wants to do with the rest of her life - or at least the next decade or so - but it was a part of helping her understand that she’d like to use her creative talents and her ability to tackle tough subjects to find a way to help people who need it. She wants to find a way to make the world easier for others to live in.

This summer Jordan will participate in the online Biomedical Engineering program at the Johns Hopkins Engineering Innovation Pre-College Program. We were excited to see her apply and receive the acceptance letter. We were not quite as excited about the tuition for the program, but we’ll happily deal with that.

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The next person to get parenting completely right will be the first. Perhaps it should have been me to suggest engineering to my daughter. Then again, maybe focusing on her creative capacity freed up some brain space to work on other subjects. I have no idea.

But I’m grateful, proud, and intrigued as to what my daughter teaches me next.

Jordan with her clients who are wearing the clothes she made for them.

1. The video was produced by another group of students at Jemicy who are developing their video editing skills in the way Jordan and her classmates are developing their fashion design skills. I don’t really know how to judge videos, but I think it’s fantastic. It moves me to tears, but I have a connection to the video (my daughter) which might prime my waterworks.