Driving, Food, Water, and Penises: A Journey of Cultural Discovery and Refreshing Perspectives
Driving, Food, Water, and Penises: A Journey of Cultural Discovery and Refreshing Perspectives
Contrasting Worldviews on a Mediterranean Adventure
(My friends, you’ll note the name of this blog is The Unfiltered Scribe. In today’s post, I work hard to live up to that word in bold type.)
I mentioned in a note at the bottom of my last post that my family and I were on vacation. It’s long been a goal of mine to cruise the Mediterranean and see some of the places where my Christian faith first began. We were originally scheduled for this trip in June of 2020, but COVID changed those plans. After a two-year wait1, on June 30, 2023, my family and I boarded a flight to Rome where we spent a few days before boarding a cruise ship to sail around to various ports in Italy, Greece, and one stop at Malta.
In today’s post, I want to share some of the more surface-level observations I made. I’d consider these to be cultural comparisons of my worldview having grown up in the United States as an evangelical Christian and the new experiences and ideas I encountered on our travels. I do have some more in-depth concepts I thought about, but this post isn’t about those. These are just some of the easy takeaways.
The Oceans
My first discovery was that most of our sailing wasn’t in the “Mediterranean”. I’d used the word “Mediterranean” in much the same way a European might say they want to visit “America” when referring to the United States. Most (if not all) of our Italian ports were in the Tyrrhenian Sea, which to be honest, I didn’t know was a thing until looking at a map of our cruise itinerary. Our Greek ports were in the Aegean Sea, which I had heard of before, but forgotten. Malta was in the Mediterranean. So, I learned a little bit about the seas over there. No biggie, but I’m happy to be more knowledgeable about the area now.
The Cars and the Driving
Italy
Italians drive on the right side of the road just like we do in the United States. For the most part, their cars are smaller than us here in the US, with an average size something between a Smart Car on the smaller end (which there were a lot of) and a Toyota Rav4 on the larger end (which there were not a lot of.) Interspersed were copious amounts of scooters and motorcycles, all of which were used for daily commutes, and not to impress anybody.
Think Vespa, not Harley-Davidson.
It might be that you have to experience the way Italians drive to really understand it, but I’ll do my best to explain.
There are, in fact, lines on the roads just like we have here in the US. And, for the most part, I understood they were there to provide the same guidance as our lines here. I didn’t see anything that looked confusing.
However…
The lines seemed to be more of a general guidance when it came to driver behavior. It was as if someone said, “We’ve placed these lines here to provide you with the best wisdom for driving. These are the areas where you’ll want to remain when driving in a certain direction to be safe. But, you know, feel free to play with it a little.”
Or a lot.
Especially if you’re riding a scooter or motorcycle. (To make it easier, I’m going to refer to all motorcycles as scooters.)
I can’t stress enough how unacceptable we’d find the scooter behavior here in the States. If a person operating a scooter saw a more convenient way to get to where they were going, they used it. The center lines in the road did not seem to matter and scooters passing on the left was not just common, it seemed to be the rule. If we came upon a red light, the scooters were passing everyone. Most of the time, they did wait for the red light to turn green when they arrived at the front of the line.
Most of the time.
If they were in a hurry they’d slow down on approach to the red light, then they’d just go. Though no one seemed to care.
What struck me was how it wasn’t just that nobody cared about how the scooters ignored the basic rules of traffic laws and my American understanding of traffic etiquette, it was that their behavior was well within the rules of Italian traffic etiquette. Nobody even seemed to notice it.
Given the small size of the cars, drivers took their own liberties with the lines on the roads, cutting each other off all the time to get to where they needed to go, even eschewing lane indicators to make it happen. You might expect it would be mayhem on the roads. But it wasn’t.
It worked.
Through the years, the driving culture in Italy had evolved in a way that was conducive to fuzzy rules on the road. It worked for them. In the more than two weeks we spent in that part of the world, I saw one accident, and no instance where a car was pulled over for breaking traffic laws.
Greece
Greece was the same, but we didn’t spend as much time in a car there. I was amazed how they were able to squeeze cars into small streets on the islands, but this seemed to be more a function of necessity than anything else.
Malta
They drive on the left side of the road in Malta. This was the first time I experienced this, and it was different for sure. Both Uber drivers we had were expats and said it took about a week to get used to driving on the left side of the road. Car size was the same as in Italy and Greece.
There was one conversation I had with the second Uber driver which began this way:
“Hey, this is probably going to sound like a silly question … buuuuut … does red mean go and green mean stop in Malta?”
Even though I provided him with the opportunity to not laugh at the question, he did.
Loud and long, with my family joining in at my expense.
I had good reasons for my question, I thought. But it’s somewhat of a long explanation. If you’re interested, ask in the comments below, and I’ll answer there for anyone who would want to know why I’d ask such a stupid question.
You’re going to want to leave your comment now, because I promise you’ll forget by the end of this article.
Last thoughts on cars and driving:
It’s interesting to me that in Italy - the birthplace of Ferrari and Lamborghini - cars didn’t seem to be much of a way people showed their social status. Or perhaps I was only seeing one strata of society. I don’t know. But as my family of four squeezed into taxis the size of a Toyota Prius, I found the norms to result in a commute which placed form and function over personal comfort and financial flexing.
It was refreshing.
The Food
I made a conscious decision not to count calories on the trip. I mean, I was going to Italy! The land of pasta, pizza, and wine! I decided taste and enjoyment were going to be more important than not gaining weight on the trip.
I came away from the trip having learned one main difference between Italian (and Greek) food.
We Americans have complicated taste palettes, and what we might refer to as international foods - Italian, Greek, Chinese, Japanese, Mexican, etc. - are much different in The United States than they are in the land of their origin.
Italy
While I enjoy pasta, it isn’t something I go out of my way to eat. This is different than my wife and kids. They love pasta. So, it might be fair to say they were looking forward to the dining experience in Italy more than I was. I don’t remember which restaurant we ate at first in Rome, but it was the first restaurant where we learned the food experience was going to be different than the “Italian” foods we eat in the United States.
This was particularly true for my son who always looks for Penne alla Vodka on the menu. It wasn’t on the menus in Rome. There wasn’t anything “alla Vodka” on the menus. The same could be said for anything with the word “Parmesan,” as in Chicken Parmesan. A favorite of mine is Chicken Piccata over Angel Hair pasta.
Those don’t appear to be things in restaurants in Italy. You know how when you go to what we call Italian restaurants in the United States and get an appetizer called “Tour of Italy?”
Yeah, um, those appetizers are probably not really anything close to what they’re advertised to be.
And especially not at The Olive Garden.
On our last pre-cruise day in Rome, we took a food tour. Our guide is an Italian chef. I asked him about our favorite “Italian” foods being missing from the restaurant menus.
“So, Roberto, I have a question which I think I know the answer to … my son’s favorite “Italian” dish,” I began, making air quotes with my fingers, “...which he always orders in America, is Penne alla Vodka. But it doesn’t seem to be on any menus here. Alla Vodka isn’t a thing here, is it?”
I looked over at my twenty-year-old son to be sure I hadn’t embarrassed him. He was smiling sheepishly, indicating I had not, and that he was interested in knowing the answer too, but perhaps didn’t want to ask.
Roberto looked at me and shook his head with a knowing look. “No. You Americans do too much to your food. You complicate it. Here in Italy, we just use fresh ingredients and let them do all the seasoning for us. Fresh pasta. Fresh cheese. Fresh tomatoes. It’s so simple. Why mess with it?”
I smiled and nodded at an answer which made sense to me. Roberto continued, picking up a bottle of wine.
“It’s the same with our wine. It’s simple. It’s just the grapes! Nothing added!” As he explained he gestured at the label, and grew a bit more animated, finding it difficult to hide his annoyance. I imagine it might be frustrating to hear Americans talk about Italian food which isn’t truly Italian.
I learned that homemade pasta is thicker, and a bit stiffer (al dente) than our store-bought pasta. The use of fresh cheese means the pasta is a bit stickier too, rather than the creamy sauces we might find here in the US. The tomato sauce isn’t quite as saucy but holds a strong flavor.
Oh, and if you go to Italy and order a buffalo cheese pizza, you should understand it means something completely different than what it means in America. Buffalo cheese is cheese made from the milk of the water buffalo, and it has absolutely nothing to do with the flavor we Americans associate with buffalo wings. The manager of one of the restaurants I spoke with in Italy hadn’t even heard of buffalo wings, or the flavor. I liked the buffalo cheese pizza in Italy, but it just tasted like a Margherita Pizza to me.
I appreciate the simplistic goodness of the food in Italy. Also, I love some good Chicken Piccata. So, I guess while in Rome, I’ll be content with doing as the Romans do. I liked the pizza too, but I’m afraid I prefer our American pizza better due to the crispier crust.
Greece
The Greek food in Greece isn’t that much different from the Greek food I’ve experienced in the US. The main difference being in the Greek Salad. Greek salad in Greece doesn’t contain lettuce. It’s got more of the other stuff - olives, grape tomatoes, onion, peppers, feta cheese, olive oil, and a bit of basil (I think). That’s it!
There was a funny moment when my wife tried to order a Greek salad with chicken on it. The waiter gave her a serious look and shook his head. “You never put chicken on a Greek salad.” […Pause…serious stare…] “Never.”
We laughed at ourselves, and he brought us a wonderful salad.
The Drinks
Wine is a lifestyle in both Italy and Greece. Our Italian food tour guide explained that children begin drinking wine when quite young, but not for the alcohol. Rather, for the taste. We enjoyed some wine with each meal, and by the last meal, even I was getting picky about what I drank and tasted a few options before choosing a wine. My wife, Joy, prefers a sweeter wine. I prefer something with a more dry taste. My son, Josh, falls somewhere in between, and my daughter, Jordan, prefers Coke.
What I really struggled with is how Italy and Greece handled water. When I say struggle, I mean I was confounded, and somewhat annoyed.
First, I have to explain that I think water, the element on which life is based here on Earth, should be free. It drives me nuts when it isn’t, and paying for bottled water isn’t something I like to do at home in the US.
As we walked the streets of Rome, we’d come upon a water fountain every couple of blocks. According to Wikipedia, these fountains are called “Nasone” fountains. Our tour guide assured us it was clean and perfectly good to drink. We saw people using it all the time to fill water bottles. I have every confidence it was good water. The water flows freely from them for whatever person or animal needs it.
As. It. Should Be.
However, almost without exception, if we wanted water in a restaurant, we had to order it. They would bring it in a one-liter glass bottle and charge around 2.5 euros. I can drink 1 liter of water per meal by myself, and it boggles my mind that I had to pay anything for it. They also serve it in juice glasses sans ice. It is the one area where I felt like my American worldview was the correct worldview.
I still feel this way.
Water should be free.
The Sex
If you’re looking for a report about whether sex in Italy and/or Greece is good, I’m sorry to disappoint you. I’m not here to report on that. (It turns out I do have a bit of a filter.) But there was something which jumped out at me.
Penises were everywhere.
Well, not everywhere, but…
Well, yes, it seemed like they were everywhere.
You’ll recall I said I was here to discuss my American worldview versus the Italian/Greek worldviews. Well, in Italy and Greece, I got to view penises a lot.
This is different for me, seeing such freedom with the penis. Not long ago a principal in Florida was fired after students were shown a photo of the sculpture of David. It sounds like this wasn’t the first time students were shown a picture this particular sculpture, but in the past parents were warned. Somehow the parents didn’t receive prior communication this time and three parents were upset, one of them considering it pornographic material.
That parent should avoid certain rooms in the museum at Olympia, Greece, should probably not visit Italy, and especially not Pompeii.
Greece
One of our tour excursions was to the site of the ancient Olympic Games in Olympia, Greece. There were temples to the Greek Gods everywhere, and in an effort to acquire the favor of the Gods, the ancient Greeks would present trinkets as offerings. Often, these trinkets were tiny statuettes.
Always, these statuettes were of nude men.
Not only were they of nude men, a significant portion of the trinkets on display were men with large, erect penises.
Here is a link to a picture the statuette which … stood out … to me. (While the image isn’t safe to view at your place of work, I promise it’s not a link to porn.) I didn’t take the picture, but when I Googled “Olympia penis statuette,” this picture was the only one that came up from the collection at the museum. That is to say, it caught everyone’s attention. It should be noted that the picture is larger than the statuette itself, which might have been three inches total.
I mean, the little guy looks proud, doesn’t he?
Ancient Greek sculptures are well-known for their nudes and particularly for the small genitalia. It’s interesting that the statuettes accentuated the manhood, while the art seems to, ahem, diminish them. I’m sure someone knows why. I’m not that guy.
It was an interesting find on the tour. This leads me to another tour where penises were prominent.
Italy
Pompeii is the ancient Italian city most well known for being destroyed when Mount Vesuvius erupted in 79 AD. I was unaware of just how large Pompeii was. I’d always thought it was a quaint little fishing village or something. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
If you’ve ever wanted to visit somewhere where you really feel like you’re stepping back in time to get a sense of the ancient world, Pompeii is the place to do it. Pompeii is considered the place where modern archaeology began, and we have gained a lot of knowledge about ancient Roman society from the accidental preservation of the city. The things we found there, which were preserved over time, have taught us a great deal about how the Romans lived.
As we walked to the site, we passed dozens of vendors. Stopping to look at one of them we noticed little magnets with what looked to be ancient, pornographic images on them. I assumed these magnets were some sort of adult-themed, tongue-in-cheek joke for the purpose of souvenir sales.
We’d soon learn they were not.
Our tour guide began by explaining to us that there was no way we’d be able to see all of Pompeii in our 1.5-hour walking tour. He said perhaps one could get a good overview of the site with a 5-day visit. His point being, there was a lot available for us to see.
Given this fact, I found it interesting that with all Pompeii had to offer, he decided to take us to a brothel in the ancient city. There was no warning. No, “If you think this is inappropriate, then stop here.” When he told us he was taking us there, he didn’t lower his voice to a whisper, or look around to see if anyone was going to catch him showing us the seedy parts of the town. It was simply part of the tour, and there were numerous other tour groups there waiting in line to get inside.
He explained that in a city as large as Pompeii, there would be visitors from all over the world who didn’t necessarily speak the language of the city. To ensure out-of-town visitors to the brothel received the services they desired, the brothel … management(?) … painted pictures on the walls for patrons to point at indicating their desire. Oral? Point at the picture depicting oral sex. Missionary position? Point at the picture … and so on.
It was a menu for sex.
This being my first visit to a brothel of any kind, I found it fascinating. Also, it explained the magnets. They were simply small pictures of the sex menu at the brothel. If a tourist liked, they could take one home and stick it on the refrigerator.
It certainly would be a unique way to display your first-grader’s artwork.
What I found even more interesting than a well-preserved ancient brothel was the locals’ nonchalant attitude towards the subject of sex and … erect penises. Because, again…
…they were everywhere.
Displayed out in the open for literally anyone to see, were items we Americans reserve for adult bookstores. But here, in Italy, nobody cared. While there was, for sure, a novelty to these items, I still got the sense that nobody there thought there was much that was inappropriate about them. Had I asked one of the dozens of vendors why they thought it was appropriate to display hundreds of bottle openers in the shape of an 8-inch, heavily-veined erect penis, I think they may have looked at me and said, “Um … why not? Men have penises. They get erect. It’s a little joke. Everybody already knows this. What’s the problem?”
As we were wrapping up our touristy shopping experience, I looked at my sixteen-year-old daughter who was with me. I motioned to the statuettes displayed next to me which looked a lot like the ones the Greeks gave to their gods.
“Hey, are you sure you don’t want to take one of these well-endowed figurines back for show and tell at school next year? You can tell everyone about your visit to the brothel at Pompeii!”
She looked at me and played along. “I definitely should!” She pointed at one of them, which was pointing at her … so to speak. “I should get this one!”
“No, take this one!” It was the shopkeeper. He pointed at the figurine next to the one my daughter had indicated, which was of a man with two, large erect penises. “This lucky guy has two!” He grinned a bit.
I’m not an expert on Italian society, and there’s a chance I’m naïve to what is going on. But I found the ease with which they viewed the penis, even an erect one, and the broader topic of sex, in general, to be refreshing.
Relaaaaax, dude…
It reminded me again of the fuzzy rules when it comes to driving. I found the norms to result in an attitude towards sex which placed form and function over both hedonism and religious virtue signaling2.
“Look. We get it. We kinda drive a little bit crazy. Oh, and we have penises and stuff. Let’s just accept it and carry on. This is what it means to be human.”
Next: How my faith growing up was like the faith of the Ancient Greeks and Romans.
(If you’re wondering why I write, check out this explanation. And, don’t miss my last series of articles about what I learned about shame, embracing uniqueness, and dealing with professional failure at Duke University.)
We weren’t alone. We discovered many of the people who were vacationing in the area were also finally on a COVID-postponed trip. One of our taxi drivers said it is the busiest time he can remember, and that the numbers of travelers to Italy right now is unusual.
Yes. This statement begs response and further commentary. That’s what these articles are about. Use the subscribe button above and stay tuned for more, perhaps leave a comment with your burning response.